I had the same reaction to this story as to the other piece about "getting raised" from Hopi High: It's a good first draft, but it's not finished.
The reader is too far from the mike, and I can hear his jacket and papers rustling. Particularly in a first-person, intimate reflection such as this, those technical problems are a big distraction.
Felix, your voice is heartfelt and I'm interested in your experiences. I think you need to work on your writing and delivery. The story drifts, and your voice rambles. With a careful re-write and a new recording, this could be greatly improved.
This is an interesting view of a teen that recognizes that having a family is not a bad thing. A good majority of teens wish they didn?t have a family and often act as if they don?t. It?s refreshing to hear a story that shifts the idea and speaks from experience about being raised in a very large family. This piece is heartfelt, although it could use a little editing to create a better flow, and perhaps some background music that would give some insight into Felix?s family traditions. Another intriguing part of this narrative is the part about what Felix?s grandmother has taught him about Hopi traditions and how growing up without his grandfather made him appreciate the family he has even more. It would be interesting to go more in depth with what his grandmother has taught him, and could perhaps develop into an entirely separate radio piece.
Comments for Getting Raised 2
Produced by Felix Poleheptewa
Other pieces by Hopi High Radio
Rating Summary
2 comments
Jenny Asarnow
Posted on January 08, 2007 at 03:36 PM | Permalink
Review of Getting Raised 2
I had the same reaction to this story as to the other piece about "getting raised" from Hopi High: It's a good first draft, but it's not finished.
The reader is too far from the mike, and I can hear his jacket and papers rustling. Particularly in a first-person, intimate reflection such as this, those technical problems are a big distraction.
Felix, your voice is heartfelt and I'm interested in your experiences. I think you need to work on your writing and delivery. The story drifts, and your voice rambles. With a careful re-write and a new recording, this could be greatly improved.
Holly Leopardi
Posted on December 09, 2006 at 12:31 PM | Permalink
Review of Getting Raised 2
This is an interesting view of a teen that recognizes that having a family is not a bad thing. A good majority of teens wish they didn?t have a family and often act as if they don?t. It?s refreshing to hear a story that shifts the idea and speaks from experience about being raised in a very large family. This piece is heartfelt, although it could use a little editing to create a better flow, and perhaps some background music that would give some insight into Felix?s family traditions. Another intriguing part of this narrative is the part about what Felix?s grandmother has taught him about Hopi traditions and how growing up without his grandfather made him appreciate the family he has even more. It would be interesting to go more in depth with what his grandmother has taught him, and could perhaps develop into an entirely separate radio piece.