I applaud the effort to get more storytelling on the radio. That said, in this case ... I just saw "Urinetown" night-before-last and there's a passage from the show that seems apropos to this story:

Little Sally: Oh, I guess you don't want to overload them with too much exposition, huh. ……
Officer Lockstock: Everything in its time, Little Sally. You're too young to understand it now, but nothing can kill a show like too much exposition. …..

There's a sense of self-satisfaction in the presentation of this story -- I get a feeling that the writer is a person of significance within this organization and so no one dares tell him that his work might be better if he'd tone it down a little. There seems to be a lot of the Jean Shepherd-wannabe in this piece that comes off sounding like something you'd hear from a Damon Runyon character -- he says things like "Thusly" and "Viscous Expulsions" that -- to my ear anyway -- scream out "Ain't I cute!?"

And watch out -- in a bid for verisimilitude, I believe someone yells "the F word."